wordy wednesday

 Today was my orthopedic appointment.  I did not hear what I wanted to hear. I’ll be in the boot for at least another four weeks with a reevaluation then. I am to stay off my foot as much as possible . No driving. I am to sleep in the boot. I will get a walker, which is good because I did not want crutches. She said it could be up to three to six months in the boot, but we will see how it’s healing. No pedicures.

poop emoji week

Not going to lie--this has been a hella week.

There was a fire at my sister's apartment building a week ago and she found out that the building has been declared uninhabitable. Which means that almost all of her belongings are lost to smoke damage--there was no structural or water damage to her place. She found a new place (which happens to be in my building) right off. There has been tremendous community generosity--outpourings of people wanting to help. It's overwhelming how people are reaching out. That's the beauty of living in a small community.

On Wednesday, I was walking down the hall, approaching one of my students when she looked at me and burst into tears. She didn't finish her assignment for class and couldn't handle disappointing me. I gave her a big hug (after asking if she needed one), reassured her that this wasn't a high-stakes assignment and she could have time to finish. But the pressure this poor kid put on herself was radiating from her. I said that I realized there's more going on than one assignment being undone and that her ability to cope was more important than an assignment. I could feel her visibly lighten by the time we were done talking. But that was the vibe of the week from all my students.

Today was a mandatory workshop day that was attended by more than 550 teachers from the region. The keynote speaker was interesting. The featured guest speaker was pretty good. But the breakout sessions were god-awful. Painfully bad. Ugh.

trying to forget my feelings of love

I saw an ex today. I realized I'm still hung up on him. How can I possibly still have feelings? So complex. I'm a cliché.

the cookie speaks

I had a delicious dinner. More importantly, I debriefed with my bestie about all our drama of the week. She gets me.

it's not a popularity contest

I met a couple of former students (they're brother and sister) for coffee and we ended up spending over 2 and a half hours talking. It's not totally unusual for me to meet with former students, often they stop by the school at the end of the day but sometimes we meet for coffee. I love keeping in touch with "my kids" and finding out how they are growing and maturing over the years. I don't love talking about it with one of my closest teacher friends, though, because she wishes it was her. And it feels awkward when she says she's excited for me because I know she has a degree of jealousy. I can't help it that the kids respond differently to us. And it's certainly not a competition. At least not on my end.

I had to get that out of my brain.

reading for pleasure

Tonight my book library book group met to discuss a book I didn't like. Because we postponed the meeting due to inclement weather, there were several members missing. And I know they shared my thoughts on the book (actually, two of them Hated the book--with a capital H). I was the lone voice explaining why the book didn't capture me. And I was facilitating the meeting with no publisher materials to help--no guide, no summary, no questions--just me.

I like being in a book group because it encourages me to read books I never would have picked up on my own. But I don't like being the de facto leader of the group. Being in two book groups is a challenge--to keep up with the reading and to actually enjoy the reading. I admit sometimes it feels like a chore.

When I retire, I will dedicate myself to the written word. I can't wait!

roller coaster

Today's the day that shit got real. I'm on an emotional roller coaster. Let's start with the stupid shit--winter is upon us. The temperature has dropped to the low 20s, it's windy, and there are snow flurries. I dressed in jeans, fleece and a puffer vest to run errands. I might even have to resort to socks as bare feet in mary janes are getting uncomfortable. Less stupid shit--financial stress, although there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have to hang tight until I get to that end. It stresses me out, even though I know there is nothing I can do now. Stop spending, yeah, I can try to do that. More of the less stupid shit--school politics. No way to avoid the workplace drama. I've been pressed to choose a side (although that sounds way more dramatic than the situation calls for), anyhow, this stupid shit at school is taking my eyes off the prize so to speak. And then there's the big shit--my colleague of 20 years is retiring because his cancer treatment needs more concerted effort than he can give while teaching. He had planned to retire in June so he's moving up the date--but this isn't how he wanted to end his 38-year career. Our department has been together for 19 years, so this is a genuine blow. Although we sometimes got on each other's nerves, he's still a big brother figure to me and I'm so sad to see his room emptying out of all the memorabilia he's collected through his career. It's disconcerting. His prognosis is good, but the stress of school won't help him.

The supreme shit, however, is Dad. I've been in total denial since he got his prostate cancer diagnosis. He began undergoing daily radiation two weeks ago. Last Saturday, when we went out for my birthday celebration dinner, he wasn't "on" and it occurred to me that he's an 80-year-old man going through radiation combined with hormone treatment. He's an actual physical being. And he's not going to be feeling his best. Shit got real. No more denial. Shit got real.

this week can bite me

I'm over this week.

Seriously. Over with it. Done.

Winter can go away.

... WIND CHILL ADVISORY IN EFFECT FROM 1 AM TO 11 AM EST SATURDAY... THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CARIBOU HAS ISSUED A WIND CHILL ADVISORY... WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM 1 AM TO 11 AM EST SATURDAY. * LOCATIONS... CENTRAL AND NORTHERN MAINE. * HAZARD TYPES... WIND CHILL. * WIND CHILL... 20 TO 32 BELOW DUE TO TEMPERATURES 10 BELOW TO 4 ABOVE ZERO... AND WINDS NORTHWEST 10 TO 15 MPH WITH GUSTS UP TO 30 MPH. * TIMING... LATE TONIGHT AND SATURDAY MORNING. * IMPACTS... DANGEROUS WIND CHILLS MAY QUICKLY PRODUCE FROSTBITE ON EXPOSED SKIN. PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS... A WIND CHILL ADVISORY MEANS THAT VERY COLD AIR AND STRONG WINDS WILL COMBINE TO GENERATE LOW WIND CHILLS. THIS WILL RESULT IN FROST BITE AND LEAD TO HYPOTHERMIA IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN. IF YOU MUST VENTURE OUTDOORS... MAKE SURE YOU WEAR A HAT AND GLOVES. &&

As much as I love my job and my students, I'm ready for the weekend. So many interruptions in classes this week. As an aside, a bright spot is that yesterday was my Pennsylvania sister's birthday and my students made a happy birthday video for her. But I'm weary of school right now.

The car troubles I had this week are still lingering with me--stress wise.

I slept through my alarms (yes, plural) this morning and was later than I normally am. That kind of set my morning off.

The time change this weekend. Ugh. I'm over it and it hasn't even happened.

closed

Hard to say how much snow we actually got because it's been blowing around like crazy! So glad I didn't have to drive in it today. Central Maine and south got a minimum of 9 inches of snow. I don't think we got quite that much here, but...

priorities

To play along, click here!

What are your current priorities?

Wow. I don't even know how to approach this one. Today my biggest priority was not having a meltdown and crying in class. I'm feeling overwhelmed by meetings and committees and obligations, plus grading and keeping up with school in general. I hate winter. Once again (this is the third time) my car got stuck in the driveway and I dug it out for about 20 minutes. There are two weeks until vacation and I'm hoping I can hang tough. So, today's priorities. In the larger scheme of things, I need to worm my way out of debt. I'm working on it. But I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about money. I'm tired of that. I know it's temporary but it sucks.

random things

This is the poster for my dad's community concert. I went Friday night and the acoustics in the church were magnificent! The chorus sounded amazing! And there was a full audience. It was one of his best concerts.

I can't get the Anne Murray version of Snowbird out of my head. Her voice is the soundtrack to my childhood.

My holiday manicure

At the supermarket today, I found MINT whipped cream in a can! I can't wait to try it on hot cocoa.

I really hate Maine winters.

And I'm really cold!  It's -5 degrees.

funk not funky

My Christmas spirit is a little absent this year. I'm not in a bah humbug mood. I can't seem to get myself organized. My finances took a severe beating this fall and that has some to do with it, but not all. I'm noticing that my energy level is improving, thanks to the thyroid medication I have been taking for a couple of weeks. I feel like I'm waiting for something. But I don't have a clue what. Could be the funky weather. It's been unseasonably warm. Tomorrow is Solstice, that will start making a difference in the amount of light exposure. I need my chakras cleared. Or a pedicure.

boo boo

My car has a boo boo. Yesterday, I backed into my neighbor's daughter's car, which was parked in a weird spot. Regardless, she is an unpleasant person on a good day and flew into raging bitch mode yesterday. My calm nature really pissed her off. I'm hoping that the school's auto body class can fix it. It doesn't look too serious to me, but what do I know? I know my baby has a boo boo.

weekend

I haven't had a five day school week for about six weeks, so this week felt endless. It was a good week.

gah

Beyond frustrated that I can't simply add a .net blog to my blogroll. I don't want to try to navigate the Blogger Help Forums. Oy. That just added to my frustration.

uh...

So I'm sitting here all kinds of frustrated because I assigned a simple activity and most of my students are making it harder than it is.

desserts spelled backward...

I'm really on stress overload. One of my best friends lost a sibling due to a car accident and it's really shocking, sudden, and sad. I feel so awkward because I don't know what to do or say other than calling her every day to let her talk and letting her know I'm here for whatever she needs--and I know she'll need some distraction.

I'm also stressed because I'm trying to get mid-term exams and final exams ready for my classes. I think I have exams finished, and answer sheets. But no study guides! Oy heavens. I'm so wound up about it. And I had my observation today--completely unscheduled and I felt unprepared, even though it was a fine evaluation.

I'm also stressed because another friend of mine called me to ask me some questions about a situation at the neighboring school. A student has become "friends" with a teacher and the teacher and her boyfriend went on a weekend trip with the student. As in, they all stayed in a hotel. I don't know, this just doesn't sit well with me. It's icky and wrong. So, I'm going to look into what steps my friend can take to let the school know.

I'm stressed because I have a major busy day tomorrow and I'm going to have to rush around from school to meetings to knit night. I hate days like that.

And, lastly, I'm feeling really stressed because my landlord called me this evening to say that painters are coming in tomorrow to work on my ceiling--where it had been water damaged by the roof leak. Have I mentioned I'm a clutterer? Have I mentioned I hate having people in my home? Yet, I'm composing a blog post instead of shuffling the shit around.

I am feeling frazzled.

validation...

One of the first things my bestie said to me this morning was validating. I thought I had over-reacted to a BookFace post that was directed at me, but without me even bringing it up she validated me. I felt so relieved, I thought I was making something out of nothing and just being bugged about nothing. But she said she would have cried if someone said to her what was said to me. Validation makes it all better. I don't even really care about the BookFace remark anymore.

not ready...

So, I stopped by school today. I was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that is everywhere. When I left, it was organized chaos. But when the custodians had their way with my room, it created a real mess. As in, there are boxes of stuff everywhere. EVERYWHERE! I turn around and it's a stack of books (some of which do not belong in my room) and I turn around again and there is a box with something random in it. Nothing is where I put it. Everything needs to be unpacked. Holy moly, I have a lot of work to do. Some of it is left-over stuff from my mentor that retired, he didn't/doesn't need it so he left it for me. Plus my own classroom.

Well, I'll do what I can do. Nothing is urgent. There's still time.

another thursday bug...

My Thursday bug really ought to be the amount of gray hair I am getting. Oy, I went to my Hair Goddess this morning and when she combed it back... sigh. So, I'm adding a second Thursday bug:

Gray hair! I'm too youthful for this!!!