1.27.2018

working it out

I finally found my knitting project. My landlord has been doing some prep work for some electrical updates we're having next month and he had moved my knitting and I couldn't find it for two days. I finally found it. In all honesty, he's also been hauling away bins and boxes of the clutter I've been working on. It's very nice to have his help. I realized that I'm having some anxiety symptoms since he's been helping me out, too--that I wake up in the night in a panic.

I kinda wish I had taken before photos to measure my progress. It's slow going. And I also find myself wishing I was still in therapy; maybe for a tune-up or some support with the anxiety. I probably shouldn't call it clutter, as it is more like hoarding. I've done some reading about hoarding: a couple of psychology journals I get at school have had articles and case studies. I definitely fit the profile.

All this rambling is my way of working out how light I feel getting rid of the stuff. Donations to the homeless shelter, the charity thrift store, and removing accumulated paper and boxes are making this place look better than it has in... well, years. I wish I had done this every time I thought about doing it. I wish I hadn't accumulated in the first place. And I hope I maintain it.

3 comments:

  1. I love this post. I am this post. I APPLAUD THIS POST!

    I have a fantasy of taking an earth mover to my stuff. You know, one of those big yellow pieces of construction equipment. But instead I find myself looking at it while I watch TV. I'm always too tired to do anything about anything.

    I'm not hoarding. I'm inert. And it embarrasses me and weighs on me and gets in the way.

    Back to you -- good for you. Yea for you! You are my heroine.

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  2. Anonymous11:45 AM

    it is a good process to remove the past-who wants to dwell in the heavy load it carries. physical or mental!

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  3. It is only natural that you have anxiety, you had a stranger in the apartment and you were cleaning out some of the clutter.
    I would feel the same way.

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