10.29.2006

you say it's your birthday

1. as you get older, are you jazzed about your birthday? I was really excited about turning 40. Mostly because it is a major milestone--my mother died at age 38 and I truly always thought I would die then, too (hey it was one of those false thoughts you begin in childhood that stays with you. After thirty-two years it was difficult to not think I would die) When I realized there was nothing wrong with me and that in fact I would live, I began a weight loss journey to improve my overall health and well-being. 40 was a huge celebration by me, of me and for me. I celebrated for 40 days. Nothing major, not including other people, but I spent time every single day focusing on me, writing down three or four things that made me joyful, painting my fingernails, listening to one song in the midst of craziness at school. Very small moments in the day when I would celebrate who I am and how I came to be me. So... now I'm turning 41 and have survived a near-death health scare and I am underwhelmed to celebrate. Actually, it kind of reinforced my *wrong* childhood thinking. Uhm... yeah, therapy helps.

2. do people usually remember your birthday? Not especially. People remember/ed my 40th because it was joyful and infectious (in a good way). I don't equate acknowledgement of my birthday with how much my friends and family love me. Although, who doesn't like to be remembered on their birthday?

3. an ex-coworker used to begin 3 mos. before her birthday flat-out reminding us that it was coming up. it's amazing what no self-esteem does for you. anyway, do you know anyone who pre-announces their birthdays? I actually have a colleague who does this. It amuses me. Uhm... yeah, therapy would help her a lot.

4. what was your best birthday? why? My 40th birthday was a week-long extravaganza put on by my friends at school who had themed meals and parties every day. Every day I found a different invitation to celebrate and they would reveal part of the theme. It was good timing because things get stressful at a public high school. Everyone took part, even on Princess Day, when the men were wearing princess tiaras. I smile inside and out just thinking about that. It was the best birthday because other people planned and implemented the whole extravaganza, I didn't have to say what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. They had listened to some small things I had said (like I LOVE tomato bisque soup) and had all my favorites for me. I haven't had a birthday like that since my mother died. And it was a time when even for a moment, I believed that I deserved to be celebrated. Uhm... yeah, thereapy is helping with that.

5. what was your worst birthday? why? Wow, that's a toughie. I suppose the first birthday I had after my mother died would be it. Mum had always created the most magical, memorable day--from the wake up singing to the special cakes. I would have real parties with games, friends, party favors, decorations and all the stuff kids really love. Any year after that, though, they were underwhelming. And all of my answers tie in together--for so many years I just didn't do anything to celebrate my birthday, it was just any other day, and maybe it was highlighted by cake with Dad. So, I guess I'll answer by saying the first year after Mum died was a bad one, but all of them have majorly sucked since. Therapy... yup.

6. name your best birthday gift. Nothing particularly stands out... I did get a VCR for my 30th birthday from the whole family. I suppose the gift that lasted the longest was Teddy, Mr. Teddy Bear. My best friend for most of my life, until I got a dog when I was thirteen.

7. name the best birthday gift you've gotten for someone else. Hmmm... last May I helped throw a cool 30th birthday party for my very dear friend Amy. I don't know if that can be considered a gift, though. Let's see... I can't think of anything special-special. I put in a lot of time and effort buying all gifts I give people, so, I just don't know of anything that would be *the* gift.

8. as i age, i value SLEEP as a priceless commodity. i didn't get any for my birthday, however. what do you want this year for your birthday? I can't think of anything, other than world peace and that's not happening. Anything I do get will be great! What I want is a lot of really good hugs. Really, really good hugs. The really good kind of hugs.

What if this is as good as it gets?


I'm such a party animal.

1 comment:

Princess LadyBug said...

A week long extravaganza? Now that sounds cool. After this year's birthday I think I could use that next year. :P

Happy Birthday!