Gossip, rumors and lies... oh my!

I have to say that teachers are some of the worst gossips. Worst in several different definitions. Some of the my colleagues live for gossip. It's their lifeblood. I get a visual of one teacher in particular who must just rub his hands together with glee knowing there is someone to talk about--someone to judge, someone to hold in contempt of his perfection. Salivating over mistakes made by others.

Now, it's one thing to talk about a situation... to ask for more information or clarification; but it's something else when judgment creeps in. There are some things we need to talk about, in terms of things going on at school. But sometimes it takes a nasty turn.

People make mistakes. There, it's been said.

To speculate about what the mistake is or how it's going to play out is just mean. And stupid. The rumors and lies and speculation are driving me crazy. Can't people just mind their own business?

On another note, we've been discussing school security and trying to figure out how to make the school more safe. Some of the suggestions are ridiculous. Seriously... how is wearing my ID going to make the school safer? Uhm... unless it's bulletproof and much bigger it isn't going to do anything other than make some of the students who are nervous more nervous. I think we, as a school, need to be sensitive to the fact that there really are students who don't feel safe at school. When we talk about security and get all excited about new procedures, we sometimes forget that these new things can add to the stress and anxiety of people who already feel anxious.

Having spent almost the entire past school year very afraid to go to school, I can attest to what would make me feel more secure: locking the outside doors. Limit where entry to the building is allowed. There are something like 45 entrances to the building, many of which really are not used, but are made available throughout the day. Having fewer points of entry will be a big step. But wearing my ID? It's not like the population at school doesn't know who should or shouldn't be there for the most part--even students I don't have in class certainly have seen me at school enough to know that I do belong there. So, what will it do to wear my ID? I understand wearing the ID, in the public--like at a bank or business that deals with a shifting population, but at school? They're already going to lock us in the building together. How is wearing my ID going to prevent someone who means harm from doing what they are intent on doing? Also, what if they are looking for a particular target? With my ID badge they will know who's who.

I don't know... I just don't' know. I'm upset with myself for spending almost an entire school year being afraid. What a waste of energy. I gave away my power. I did, however, fight to get it back. I have been fighting the anxiety and fear. I've had some real progress, too. The recent school shootings have been all over the news and I have watched it all unfolding. I have empathized and sympathized but I have not internalized what has been happening. That's such a big step for me. I know I will never again feel fully safe, anywhere, ever. But I know that I can distance myself from what's happening.

Gossip, rumors, and lies... oh my.

What if this is as good as it gets?

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