Time keeps on slippin'..

Here it is, less than a week until school begins. It seems surreal that summer has come to its end. It certainly wasn't what I had hoped and expected it to be. But, was it a bad summer? I suppose not. Just........ different.

Yesterday I went to school. My plan was to make a list of things I need to do and then figure out ways to get it all done. I intended to ask for help, to enlist the help of some students or some friends. I know there is help available, yes, I know it. I figured I would move some little stuff, and I did no problem. But then I thought if I got the one big thing moved, everything else would be easy to ask people to do for me. So, I lifted and began dragging my desk, my desk filled to the brim with all kinds of teacher-stuff. The minute it moved, I felt corresponding movement in my chest and my rib became unaligned (I guess it actually became dislocated again). Yup. The minute I put my hands on the desk I had second thoughts about doing it. But I had moved the cabinet, no problem. Lifted a couple of small, light boxes--no problem! I thought I would just move the big desk and then head home. Little did I suspect that I would have to crack my rib back into alignment (or... relocate it) while trying not to pass out or vomit from the pain.

And what lessons did I learn? I learned many things:

1) I'm not ready to relinquish control of my body. I'm not ready to live a life like a mere mortal, who asks for help when help is needed because IT'S NO BIG DEAL TO NEED AND ASK FOR HELP.

2) Dislocating ribs at the costo is painful. That's a bit of an understatement, but I really have no words to describe it otherwise. I did manage to get myself home and take a tylenol before I semi-passed out and *rested* for the afternoon.

3) Denial isn't just a river. It's a ridiculous way of life.

Ok, so I learned many things. I also learned that I am very hard on myself and I need to stop being so hard on myself. As a consolation, my very dear Luka Bloom says:

when I look at you, I see your power
but when your blues come around,
you're so hard on yourself
somebody needs you, you always come through
you let nobody down
but when you're low, where do you go
who helps you come around

when I look at you, I see things you don't seem to
you're so hard on yourself
somebody needs you, you always come through
you let nobody down
but when you're low, where do you go
who helps you come around

life's not easy
sometimes the heart aches
I will sing a song for you
don't be so hard on yourself

Thanks, Luka. That's why I love you.

So, time keeps on slippin' into the future. I feel like I have just a few days to get myself, my life, my health, my act together. What pressure. What was that Luka? Ah yes, don't be so hard on myself. Thanks for the reminder.

What if this is as good as it gets?