How I Spent My Summer Vacation...so far

So far vacation has been a complete bust... I spent the first seven days of it in the hospital, wondering if the gods are out to get me.

Having never ever spent time in the hospital (I don't even visit people in the hospital, for pete's sake) it was surreal. No dignity, no vanity, no privacy, no modesty--a parade of people through the door poking, injecting and interrupting. You do not get rest at the hospital. Seven days of wondering why I don't feel bad, why I have no real symptoms, who's going to feed and play with Danny Ocean Fish and on and on and on.

So... pulmonary emboli. It's hard to believe I've got something as serious wrong with me when I don't feel like it. It was probably the hardest part of the forced confinement. Getting it through my head that something is seriously wrong but I don't feel it, at all. Resting when I don't feel like resting. Golf-ball sized clots of blood making their homes in both of my lungs. How can I possibly not feel that? To the person, everyone who listened to my breathing was amazed at the clarity of my lungs. Some of them didn't seem to believe that I have no real symptoms, even.

I tried not to whine too much, my friends were really there for me. It is humbling to be at the mercy of everyone but if it was one of them, I would be the first one in line to entertain them (even though I really hate hospitals) or to run random errands or do laundry or whatever else I can possibly do to make time pass.

Seven. Days. School's been out for eight.

I realize I am very, very lucky. Very.

I did win the Best Patient Award, but mostly it is because I was not in a coma and I'm not incontinent... and I didn't ring the bell for stupid stuff. (the room next to me was famous for asking that the channel be changed on the TV) I know they were just doing their jobs, but they were so kind to me and we laughed a lot. It was definitely the Laughter Lounge. On Saturday, the two CNAs even came in to eat their lunches with me.

In the midst of all this I have even made a new friend. I was supposed to have a blind-ish date two hours after my CAT scan, but when they immediately admitted me, I guess the blind date was not meant to be. How totally humiliating to have to have my first ever voice conversation be me, saying I couldn't make it. I looked his number up in the phone book, tried to pull my hysterical self together, then dialed and said I was sorry to have to cancel, that the test didn't quite go as expected and that I was being admitted for a few days. A couple hours later, when I officially had a room, he called to make sure I was all right. He asked if he could come see me. It was a big choice--do I let this brand new person meet me at my worst? But I did and I'm glad I did, it was a very nice diversion. Plus, I got to borrow some DVDs and CDs.

I'm so happy to be home.

Bring on summer vacation!!! This cannot be as good as it gets.