wednesday meme

Swiped from Mrs. Chili.

The Rules: Bold the things you can do and you leave in normal type the things you can’t. Sarcastic comments in parenthesis are encouraged.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (Love like you mean it.) (Manners matter.) (Asking for help when you need is it a sign of strength, not weakness.)

2. Tell if someone is lying. (I THINK I’m good at this.)

3. Take a photo. (I’m learning.)

4. Score a baseball game.

5. Name a book that matters. (Just one?!)

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. (I think my undying love for U2 as my favorite band counts.)

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. (seeing as how I don't grill...)

8. Not monopolize the conversation. (I’m a great listener.)

9. Write a letter. (nothing like getting old-fashioned snail mail. I usually send a note of thanks for gifts--especially at school)

10. Buy a suit.

11. Swim three different strokes.

12. Show respect without being a suck-up. (this should be my middle name)

13. Throw a punch.

14. Chop down a tree. (I prefer to plant them…)

15. Calculate square footage. (gah... math!)

16. Tie a bow tie.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (I’ve got an inner bartender, too bad I don't drink alcohol.)

18. Speak a foreign language. (je parle un peu francais)

19. Approach a woman/man out of his/her league. (unless I am misreading this, I am not usually afraid to approach anyone.)

20. Sew a button. (I can mend and sew by hand.)

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. (although it did turn into a drinking match... oy!)

22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it. (Dittoing Mrs. Chili: Again, Mamacita’s answer: “Bad grammar merits no attention.”)

23. Be loyal. (without reservation.)

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. (I’m not even sure what the hell this means..)

25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.

26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (I hate fishing)

27. Play gin with an old guy. (I used to love playing cards with my grandmother)

28. Play go fish with a kid.

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.

30. Feign interest. (regularly, hey, I teach high school...)

31. Make a bed. (Every morning.)

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. (like piss--how's that?)

33. Hit a jump shot in pool. (I would like to be cool at pool.)

34. Dress a wound. (I’m usually good in an emergency)

35. Jump-start a car. Change a flat tire. Change the oil. (can do; can do under duress, pass on that)

36. Make three different bets at a craps table. (gambling holds zero appeal to me.)

37. Shuffle a deck of cards. (I can do a mean bridge.)

38. Tell a joke. (I’ve got a couple of good ones - I’m better at stories, though.)

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.

40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he/she will hear.

41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. (It’s all about manners.) <--what Mrs. Chili said

42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.

43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. (that's why I have a landlord)

44. Ask for help. (I learned this the hard way.)

45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist.

46. Tell a woman’s dress size.

47. Recite one poem from memory.

48. Remove a stain.

49. Say no. (I’m excellent at this)

50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.

51. Build a campfire. (although I dislike camping.)

52. Step into a job no one wants to do. (no thanks, see # 49 )

53. Sometimes, kick some ass. (Here’s something else I seem to have little trouble with)

54. Break up a fight. (I've gotten much better at this over the years.)

55. Point to the north at any time.

56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. (one of my very favorite things to do)

57. Explain what a light-year is.

58. Avoid boredom. (Hello, meme! )

59. Write a thank-you note. (regularly)

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (ONE?)

61. Cook bacon. (microwaving is easiest)

62. Hold a baby. (I love babies)

63. Deliver a eulogy. (I doubt I'd be good at this)

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. (And what’s more, I teach my students at school)

65. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap.

66. Throw a football with a tight spiral.

67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.

68. Find his/her way out of the woods if lost.

69. Tie a knot.

70. Shake hands.

71. Iron a shirt.

72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. (I have one in the car, as a matter of fact)

73. Caress a woman’s neck. (I don’t roll that way. <--keeping Mrs. Chili's answer)

74. Know some birds.

75. Negotiate a better price.