the end is near--anniversary entry

There are five class days left. Three days of finals. A half-day on the 18th. Then it's done. And looking back it hasn't been the worst year (thankfully) but some of the challenges we've had as a faculty are sucking any and all of the fun I could be having from me. Technology sux. Yup.

The students, for some unknown reason, seem to think summer vacation began when we returned from April vacation. It's been a constant fight to get them to tune in, focus, or (heaven forbid) do something.

I hate to wish days away but I am looking forward to this year ending. Not everything has been bad or negative... sometimes I forget to write about the magical moments or how we might have laughed so hard we cried. It's just that things have changed.

Sometimes it's hard for me to not rescue people or help them out. I feel as though I'm going to get caught not helping. This probably doesn't make any sense, but, it is quite taboo in my family to not jump up and pitch in when something is being done. Translating that to my world today, when colleagues are having trouble with their electronic rank books, etc, I feel as though I will be called on the carpet for not helping them figure out the solution.

And it's not my responsibility. I am not, in fact, obligated to fix their technical troubles. Nor should I feel I have to. But something in me does. And I feel guilty when the tech support fellas come to my room to fix something that isn't working--like my printer. Something went kerflewy and it really wouldn't work and a tech guy came in to swap it with a different printer and I felt guilty, as if I was wasting his time. Gee, that's kind of his job.

Gah. I donno, it's just a crazy hectic time of year. We have a million and one things to do today and there's simply no time to do it.

My mantra remains: "I can only do what I can do." I have to let go of the rest. I can only do what I can do.

What if this is as good as it gets?

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