sunday evening ramblings...

I realized I haven't written my own content in a while. It's easy to fall into the meme habit. Very easy. I've been feeling quite well lately. For the first week of feeling "the up" I was kind of worried about "the down" because I know there will be one. It's not that I don't appreciate "the up" because I focus on gratitude daily. I write in my joy journal and treasure the funny incidents of working with teens on a daily basis. Even though I appreciate "the up" I still somewhat dread the inevitability of what's to come. In the back of my mind there is impending doom. I've always been like that. Don't get too happy. Don't be too successful. That kind of realism. No wonder I have such issues.

Part of my impending doom is the stress of winding up a school year. Making plans for summer work and just wanting the year to be over. After April break it seems to just d-r-a-g on until mid-June. And we are back so early.

I had individual last Wednesday and we did some good work, I was able to process a lot of what happened in group two Thursdays ago, and I admitted I was not looking forward to group last Thursday. My assignment was to ask my friends if they knew how to take me when they met me--as in, how did they know I was being sincere and so forth. My go-to friends at work were quite honest and said that they could tell I'm genuine because of how others talked about me--both students and faculty. They could see how much I care about the people around me and they just knew that I wouldn't say anything in a harmful, mean-spirited way. That was reassuring to me. And so this past Thursday's group was a good one. Partly because I felt confident that I am who I think I am and partly because the misinterpretations that some of the others made about me were explored.

It's a sad world when you meet someone for the first time and take everything they say in a negative vein. Especially someone entering the group process and committing to group. Obviously we're all there to work on stuff. And it was harder for some of them to realize that when I joined, I was ready and willing to dig into my stuff.

It'll be very weird to not have group or individual until mid-May. I think this is the longest I've gone without. And I will continue to feel good and be good and will not flip out over the little things. That's my goal.

what if this is as good as it gets?

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