Ok, so today in therapy, I got to talking about setting goals, making plans and the conversation turned to me making the most of life and living each day as if it's my last. What kind of crappy sentiment is that? Live each day like your last? Now that I have golf-ball sized potential time bombs in my lungs, it makes me think differently. Yeah, kind of an interesting challenge at this point. A month ago would I have named one single thing that is happening in my life rightnow as what my life would be like? Not even close. Not one thing freakin' close.
Would I want to know in advance that today is my last day of life? No no no no no no! Why tell me something like that? As if I would do something differently than I already do. It's not like I'm going to pick up the mop and suddenly become a neat freak. I try to let people in my life know how I feel about them. I try to confront that which needs confrontation (and confrontation is not always a bad thing, difficult, perhaps but not necessarily bad). It's not like I'm going to rack up the ol' charge card. What would I possibly do differently?
Go out with a blaze of glory? What exactly does that mean--set myself on fire and run around singing 99 Bottles of Beer? I'd rather go out in a blaze of mediocrity, thanks. Hold the drama.
Live each day like your last? What a crock. We're all on the collision course with death, each day is one day closer to the inevitability.
What I've learned in the past few weeks is that being vulnerable isn't weak and it isn't the worst thing in the world. It allows people who love me the opportunity to do something big or small to help me. Just as I do for them. I don't often give anyone the chance, though. And humble pie tastes great with chocolate sauce--that's something else I learned. Vanity is under-rated. Uhm... unless you ask the weirdly important questions, you might never know (and oh, how I love to ask). Oh, yeah, and I'm a hug whore... I'll hug anybody.
I'm thinking this might be as good as it gets. What if it is? What if it isn't?
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